this may be slightly awkward because this post sounds a bit bitchy but never mind..
recently I’ve been prone to asking the opinions of others when i quite frankly don’t need their input. I read somewhere that when you feel as if you cannot manage your life or have low self-esteem or lost confidence, you look to others to carry you and make all your decisions for you.
although this may be a short -term fix, it does more harm than good in the long run.
I moved out because i felt that my mother was suffocating me and not allowing me to make my own decisions in regard to MY trauma *possessive tone*. but even though i left home, this did not exactly go to plan the way i thought it did. i didn’t become instantaneously independent. in fact for the past 2 weeks i have been putting all my weight in regard to decision making on my friends.. or those i may consider friends for now. I’m not particularly in the best mindset so who knows i may regret looking to certain people for advice in the future.
i do not enjoy being instructed on what i should and should not be doing in regard to my own choices in life. i appreciate people may want to help and maybe i am not ready to listen to them, but there is a difference between advice and people forcing their opinions on you when they are not in your position and are not thinking with your brain.
i understand many people may think that me publicizing an ordeal that many would not share is a bad idea. But i am happy with my decision. if it comes back to bite me in the arse then so be it. hiding my ‘secret’ implies that i should have some sort of shame and that if people find out my whole life will be ruined.
My life was already fucked from the beginning.. well from 7 years onwards.. and i cannot go back in history to change what happened, but i can make a difference from now by taking back control, regardless of whether or not other around me support my choices.
#rant over 🙂