my healing journey

Posts tagged ‘suicide’


i’ve been putting off writing this for quite a while, partly because i didn’t really know what to say and also because if i write it, it makes it reality.

the only reason i started writing this blog in the first place was because i came across another blog on the internet written by a woman called Sara.

sara had gone through child abuse like me , and her blog was what had given me inspiration to actually begin counselling and somehow try and work through coming to terms with have experienced child abuse.

a few days ago , i found out that Sara had committed suicide. 

i think at first i was not really surprised to hear the news. i understood what must have been going through her head. but it is a great loss.

i never met sara, and it seems strange to me that someone i had not met personally has had such a great impact on my life, or whose loss i feel deeply saddened by.

i don’t really have words right now, but i thought at least i would say something.

another person who has taken their life because of the actions of someone else.

rest in peace Sara x

spaced out

The end of this week has been pretty eventful. on Friday I went to a party and learnt that one of my friends is bi-polar and is on medication, for me talking about it and speaking to quite a few other people who are on medication , has made me feel as if this may be an option to help me. my family was always so scared of mental health problems, which is pretty ironic because the family was pretty much plagued by them. at the end of the day there’s no point in running away from a situation until it gets so bad that you lose control completely, due to the fact you wanted to STAY in control by running away from it. these past two weeks have just been full of hearing about suicide, suicide attempts, mental health breakdowns and depression. I’m sick of it. to top it all off, it seems tat every where i turn someone is talking about rape or sex or abuse. maybe this is just my paranoia.

 I’m pretty surprised I was able to be sociable this weekend. then I woke up this morning and got hit by the all too familiar bout of anxiety. worrying about relationships that i don’t need to be worrying about and dreading what will happen tomorrow and whether or not I’ll have the energy/willpower to make it through college, do my work etc.

pretty much back to taking things one step at a time again.

it’s frustrating.


‘We stare at b…

‘We stare at broken clocks, the hands don’t turn anymore.
The days turn into nights, empty hearts and empty places.
The day you lost him, I slowly lost you too.
For when he died, he took a part of you.

No time for farewells, no chances for goodbyes.
No explanations, no fucking reasons why.
I watched it eat you up, pieces fallen on the floor.

We stare at broken clocks, the hands don’t turn anymore.
If only sorrow could build a staircase, our tears could show the way.
I would climb my way to heaven, and bring him back home again.
Don’t give up hope my friend, this is not the end.

Death is only a chapter, so lets rip out the pages of yesterday.
Death is only a horizon. And I’m ready for my sun

We would do anything to bring him back to you.
We would do anything to end what your going through.’

I feel as if i should bury my childhood and grieve properly for it.

Bring Me The Horizon – Suicide Season

How to commit suicide

I nicked this from here :

sue me, actually please don’t lol… I’m poor.

I hope this helps someone 🙂

What I am living for? There is nothing left except pain. Each minute is a decade and it is getting on my nerves. I cannot bear this anymore; I want to finish my life. But How? What is the easiest and best way to commit suicide? How to commit suicide? How can this be painless so that I don’t even realize that my soul has come out of my body? If this is the thought in your mind then let me tell you that you are not alone. I am not a counselor or someone to guide here but what I would write now is something from my own experience. For me suicide is too easy. There are numerous ways to know how to commit suicide and the list is countless but that is not what I want to talk about in this post.


Suicide is all about a moment. It is the moment that forces you to end your life. People who have passed through that moment and still survived often regret their action. Suicide is just a symptom of a bigger problem and that bigger problem is different scenarios that force us to commit Suicide. Study the symptoms to get the problem and your life would be changed.


This post is all about different things happening to you in your life which are nothing but the easiest and best ways to commit suicide or to know how to commit suicide. Make this part of your behavior and you would have no option but to commit suicide sooner or later. It is clear way to know how to commit suicide. Avoid them and you can live again. These are the areas that are nothing less then committing suicide everyday in your life and not living the natural way. Try them and you would not ever ask “how to commit suicide” Lets talk about them now



1) Expectation-Most people commit suicide because they have expectations from others and if others fail they have nothing left to live for. You keep expectation from life, the one you love, you family, friends, mentors etc. etc. and it seems your life is running on expectations only. When no one lives upto your expectations you feel that world is bad and that you life is meaningless. So you have two options- keep expectations from others and get forced to commit suicide or dont keep expectations on others and live your life the adventurous way. The choice is yours. Ask yourself “Am I suffering because I am keeping expectations from others?” and you would get the answer. Stop expecting from people and you would never have to ask how to commit suicide.


2) Comparison- Your life is going nowhere, you don’t posses the luxuries, you don’t have a boyfriend, you aren’t happy while every other person around you have so much promising stuff in their lives. It is habit of people to compare and then feel bad about them. The situation aggravates with time and they feel that it is only them who have all the suffering in life. Not enjoying what you have and spoiling you life by doing comparison is nothing less then committing suicide. You are unique and so are your problems, you life, and your issues. Face them and learn to enjoy in them. Comparing yourself and feeling bad about it is nothing less then committing suicide. Do it and you would asking again How to commit suicide.


3) Feeling Sorry For Yourself- You cannot win, you cannot buy, you cannot perform, you cannot enjoy just because there is some issue with you and your excuse has always been one thing or the other. You are always a sorry figure and it does gets you some attention. Soon you develop a habit of it and feel that people should empathize with you more and more. You get a kick out of it and somehow enjoy it too. Feeling sorry for yourself is like committing a suicide in itself because you yourself close all doors of improvement or effort in your life. Do it and you would always ask how to commit suicide.


4) Negativity– Everytime you look at something you look at bad side of it. You mind is always jealous of one thing or the other. Your whole day goes into thinking about things that holds no importance. Your heart is filled with hatred and you desire nothing but bad things. It is all about mind and with time you have filled it with bad feelings and thoughts. You develop a habit that is nothing but compares to committing suicide. It brings about the feeling how to commit suicide.


5) Not Seeking Help- Internally you know you suffer from things like depression, stress, anxiety but you are afraid to seek help. Something in you stops you from seeking help and you believe everything would be right soon. But the problem aggravates and soon you are standing on the verge to give your life. Not seeking help from professionals or people who matter in your life is among the easiest and best way to commit suicide. Not seeking help would always make you wonder how to commit suicide.


 6) Fear Of Change- You want a change badly in your life but you are scared to take the first step. You are sick of your environment but cannot muster enough courage to go for a change. The end result is that you stay wherever you are and with time create a grave for yourself. Keeping fear in your mind and not seeking change is a form to commit suicide….an extension to asking how to commit suicide.


7) No Work- Not doing any work and not keeping yourself busy soon deteriorates your mind and brings both bad health and thoughts in your mind. Keeping yourself busy is best way to get rid of multiple diseases and sins. Doing nothing and letting your mind wander aimlessly is one of easiest and best way to commit suicide. A mind without work will always ask for how to commit suicide.


I will repeat this again, giving your life is too easy. It is the easiest thing you can do. But the real change lies in facing your life head on. If you are even thinking of committing suicide then read the above points and you would yourself realize that by doing one of above 7 things you have already pushed yourself on verge of committing suicide or asking how to commit suicide. The best you can do now is to reverse its effect. Yes, now that you know the symptom that has caused problem you should definitely take the first step to be at least positive for this moment and reverse the bad part. Go…….take the first step…….Life is fun, discover it. Kill the problem, give life another chance.


Earlier today I found out someone important to me had tried to take their life and was only still here because they had been found by someone else. I don’t really know what to do with this information, it just makes it seem so real. Well it is real, but more life sized and relevant? I don’t know how to explain..

I keep picturing them in that scene. dead.

I feel sick, and angry at the same time.

If they had died then I wouldn’t be able to have experienced the times that I had/ am having with them. None of the laughing or petty disagreements or the sex or the lust.

I don’t think I want to be in that space again, there’s no point. I’ve gotten too far now, no point giving into fear.

I don’t want someone else to have to deal with the full impact of what I’m thinking about now. People do care about me.. so I should start caring about myself.

also i found this: -> <- you can either increase your coping mechanisms or decrease your stress. i don’t know what my coping mechanisms are.. but I’ve taken up a new obsession with Harry Potter 🙂

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