i think the hardest things for me to come to terms with recently, is when things do not work out they way i had envisioned them to.
i remember having a conversation with someone a while ago and it was almost as if we were both grieving the loss of planned dreams.
this time period over the past few months has been unique in the fact that i have lost so many things all at once in such a short amount of time. i had a future mapped out, and every thing in it had it’s place. and that’s how i wanted it to turn out. but it didn’t. maybe i am/was just naive, or maybe too optimistic and hopeful.
either way i’m trying to let go of the idea of concrete plans and take my life right now for what it it is. i can’t control the acts others do towards me or the situations they put me in. but i can control and choose to keep going. because at the end of the day, these unfortunate events are only minute landmarks on a long journey and in the long run when i look back, they won’t be quite so important.
i think i may just try to be brave again and face life head on. however shit it may turn out to be, at least i will be alive, which is not what i thought i’d be saying about a month ago.
i think i need to take it easy for a while. yesterday i went a little crazy, and it was almost as if i was on some sort of drug induced trip. i think i just really panicky and anxious and overcome by stress. a few more of those experiences and i’ll definitely be on the way to a nervous breakdown.
which scares me a lot. it’s strange .. i’m so scared of being in certain situations at the moment everything else that would have troubled me is very insignificant right now