when im alone in my head, i dont have my own inner voice. the voice that speaks is that of my mother. or my father. even now as i right i can hear my mother and her sneering tones ‘why are you writing this, nobody cares.. ur so miserable’. i had enough hearing those voices when they were coming out of the mouths of these people.. now it seems as if my mind is forcing me to hear them when they are not wanted, 24/7.. over and over again. to destroy my confidence, to depress me.. to make me feel worthless.. to make me believe the things they are saying. to make me cry. to take me back to being a child again.
then i force myself out of it by remembering i’m not a child.
but then the voices come back again. in form of exes, in the form of me predicting my future and in the form of confusion. at night the voices become real in my dreams alongside event locked deep and darkly away in the corners of my mind. creeping up from where i want to lock them away. but it is time for them to come out. i am no longer a child and i guess my mind feels i am ready.
it is pretty shit though.