i was in a situation a few days ago where i was with a partner, i wanted to have sex but he didn’t. it was funny because when i think of consent and sex, it’s always me portraying men as ‘the bad guys who do n’t listen when you say no’, instead in this situation it was me persisting when he was clearly saying no.
i didn’t pay much attention to the situation , until he said ‘you can’t make me have sex’. it wasn’t an unpleasant situation but those words made me think about me and my perception of consent.
i think i have to relearn what consent is and scenarios in which i can be seen to be crossing boundaries. it’s interesting as it’s not something that had really crossed my mind before.
maybe it’s to do with the idea reinforced through patriarchy that men always want sex and females are the ones always ‘giving in’. i’m not excusing my persistence, and i will apologise for that incident next time i see him.
it made me a bit sad because i’ve been adamant not to let abuse define me and my actions and for myself not to turn into an abuser myself. however, i guess it’s not as simple and clear cut. i’ll have to look at my actions and how i communicate with partners and it probably would do well for me to stick it in my head that no does indeed mean no.