My brain seems to be getting into a new habit of making me remember all the traumatic memories I have right before I go to sleep.
That time before you sleep and you are supposed to be lying down with nothing running through your mind, I don;t have that anymore instead I have images of horrible events clear like photographs in my mind as soon as I close my eyes.
I guess it is my brain trying to process them but it’s not helping. You would think your brain is on your side instead of working against you. I’m supposed to wind down and relax before sleep not tense up and be traumatised.
Instead of sleeping at night I sleep in the morning. I guess during the light there’s less places for these thoughts to hide. They seem to only come out at night.
I feel like a part of me is still stuck in childhood. Like my brain hasn’t caught up or accepted that I’m an adult now and I am no longer stuck in these horrible moments- that I don’t have to keep replaying them, that I deserve to give myself a break.