I want to stuff my face into a pillow and not wake up.
I want to jump in front of a train and end it all.
I want to stop eating so that my body breaks down and can’t function
I want to rot away in bed and hide from the world
I want my pain to end. But I don’t want to end.
I want to function but I don’t know how
I want to get a chainsaw and hack my abusers to pieces
I want to kick the shit out of their heads and stomp all over their bodies
I want to put several bullets in their skulls
I want them to feel an ounce of the torment that I feel
That I will feel for the rest of my life
I don’t know how to handle all these emotions
The never ending film of trauma playing in my head over and over
Day after day