my healing journey

I hate waking up

It seems of recent that one of my hobbies is extreme oversleeping. I can sleep from 9pm til midday the next day. Or 1am til 3pm the next day. This is caused by depression, I don’t feel motivated or want to get out of bed. Even if I wake up at say half 7 to pee I will still go back to sleep because it seems way too early. Today when I woke up I had a different pattern of thought, I woke up at around half 10 after snoozing several times and waking up from a nightmare about the domestic violence carried out in my childhood. I have a lot of nightmares of recent, some say it is because I have come off citolapram suddenly, but the majority of my nightmares seem to be me working out stuff in my subconscious. Anyway my realisation was that I am pretty lucky to be alive after all that me and mum went through, but at the moment it doesn’t feel like that. I don’t wake up n the morning rejoicing for another day instead I roll under the duvet and sleep for a few more hours. I suppose it’s a way of avoiding my problems and coping but it doesn’t really help. I get more fatigue, I get depressed because I can’t wake up and fall behind further in university because I am sleeping instead of making my way into class, I get depressed because of the nightmares that I have, I get depressed because of doing university work I am sleeping, I get depressed because I am losing weight due to the fact that instead of eating I am sleeping and I get stressed out because I am getting worse backpain due to lying in bed all day.

 

I don’t really know what to do anymore, I just know I don’t want to get out of bed.

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Comments on: "I hate waking up" (9)

  1. I just want you to know, you aren’t alone.

    The only thing I did that got me out is, I took something to make me synthetically happy. Then I went and got an inspirational tattoo. Have you ever seen The Walking Dead? I got Just Survive Somehow on me.
    Then I came home and crashed.
    And I’m still in bed.
    I spend weeks in bed.
    The only outlet is my blog, ArtOfDrem.com

    I look at that tattoo, and it does make me happy. Happy is weird. I feel like I did something for me. Doing something for me… it’s a weird feeling.
    I had to take a leave from school.

    You aren’t alone.
    Keep writing.

    xoxo

    • I’ve a;ready taken a leave from school, but I don’t want to do that again. I’m just tired off this ad the ptsd I do’t feel as if I can cope. I went back to sleep after writing this. I just feel weak. I was smoking a lot of weed to cope, ad I’ve started again but I’m not sure if it is helping

      • does the weed make you more depressed?

        I take leaves all the time. I’ve been getting my BA for nearly 6 years. I’ll be technically done this semester. Just makeup work. At this point, I don’t give a fuck about school. I can’t get employed in this economy. And I can’t get employed with the way I’m feeling, anyway.

      • no it kind of spaces me out. i’m doing a BSc but if i take a break I won’t be able to support myself financially so I don’t know what else to do

      • Are you in the states? If you take a “medical leave” you don’t have to pay back your loans. Everything is frozen.

      • no I’m in the UK

      • Ah. Well, I had a cousin at the University of London. Her professors were flexible however she never took a semester completely off. I don’t mean to pry, but have you spoken to anyone at the school about your problems? It isn’t fair that you are being expected to do the same amount of work at the same pace as everyone else yet your dealing with a lot of problems.

      • Yes I have told them everything but tbh I do’t think theres much they can do. THis is my final year aswel and I can’t even get out of bed

      • This is terrible. It’s not fair to you at all.

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