my healing journey

Rant 2

I don’t really know what this post is about but I feel as if I may aswel just write whatever comes into my head really because i’ve been putting it off for so long yet its inside as if everything will suddenly burst and overflow. Even as I type this now I’m making spelling mistakes because I’m so anxious that I will interrupted and that I won’t have time to talk. Just like when I go to counselling and my counselling relationship[p ends suddenly and I no longer have anybody else to talk to or when a relationship turns abusive or when I finally think things are going good but they’re not they suddenly just turn shit. And I can’t do anything about it. I can’t remember the last time I didn’t have back pain. The last time I felt truly happy. The last time I wasn’t worrying about everything. The last time I didn’t have anxiety. The last time I woke up and didn’t feel like killing myself. Everything is just confusing right now, everything is coming out in the open t, rearing its ugly head demanding to be heard and dealt with at once and I can’t do it. I just want a break, or some stability or some fucking calm.

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