ramble
i’m writing this mildy sober.. mainly because i have a weak stomach and i can’t down vodka anymore… but moving on
i cannot sleep
it seems when i drink i remember all my bad memories and they come out haunt and laugh at me
i think.. all i want is for people to be nice to me,
as simple and child like as that sounds.. maybe i am a child. i don’t know
sometimes i feel like a child , sometimes i feel 3 times my age
all i want is a cuddle
and for the world to not be full of cowards and rapists and murderers and cheaters and liars
why is it one person who goes through such an unfair amount of shit things whereas others don’t?
i’m not a bad person
i’ve never intentionally hurt anyone
yet for some reason i lucked out
i feel as if every shit thing has happened to me. the majority in less than the space of a year
i feel as if i’ve been forced to be strong when i don’t want to be
i just want a normal life
and people that are proud of me
and to just be normal
not stressed and anxious everyday
and on prozac
and in counselling
and to be emotionally distant
and to be away from my siblings
and to be fustrated coz i cvant do the things i used to be able to do
and to not be able to wake up in the morning
and to not be politically active
and to have all these stupid thoughts floating around in my head
day after fucking day
haunting me.. teasing me